Having fears
It seems to be the flavour of the week: stepping into the unknown; pushing myself further and harder into places where I don’t want to go. Deep down, I know that I’ll be a better person for this- a person more capable of loving when faced with the prospect of loving someone so totally unlovely, be it someone else or even just myself.
But that first step is always the hardest. Following through with your best is a necessary step too. You look at something that you want to destroy, be it your pride, or your fear or that spider above your window- and you think: O, Lord. It’s so big and terrifying. How am I ever going to overcome this?
And for now, for today- I think I’m lost in the sense that I haven’t beat down that spider, and I haven’t beat down that awful spirit of pride and criticism that resurfaces just when I think I’ve gotten rid of it. But I look forward to better and brighter days, when I learn not to fear something as small as a big spider, when i learn to let go of who I am and instead find my identity and courage and strength in who He is.
